My Morning Routine

Earlier this year, during the winter, someone asked me about my morning routine. I said I didn't really have one. But after thinking about it for awhile, I realized that I do, so I emailed it to them. So here was what I told them my morning routine was, on a typical day when Jordan is working day shift.

My morning routine

I wake up, I turn on the weather channel. I whine about winter, the cold and refuse to get out of bed.

The dog farts.

I get out of bed

I wake the kids. (If they havent already woken me to start the weather channel routine)

I tell zachary to get dressed, he yells at me. I tell him again and threaten to not cook his waffle if he doesnt get dressed. He tells me I am a meanie and I tell him I agree.

Corbett stands at his bedroom door, knocking and saying "He-looooo? I am awake? Want cereal. In a bowl. With milk.!"

I get Corbett and go downstairs with him, lock him in his high chair and let the farting dog out.

I tell Zachary to get dressed-again- and threaten to give his raw waffle to the dog, but that I will cook it for her, because she is dressed. He tells me that she is always dressed. I tell him too bad. He gets dressed.

Corbett get his Cereal. In a bowl. With milk. He drinks the milk out of the bowl, empties the cereal on the table and throws half on the floor, while I let the dog in. The dog eats the cereal. Corbett yells "MY CEREAL". The dog and I look at Corbett like he is deranged.

I let Corbett out and the dog licks his pants clean, while Corbett eats the dog food.

Zachary comes down, usually dressed. I give him his waffle, usually cooked.

I change, wash and dress Corbett. The dog takes off with the diaper, I get the diaper back.

Zachary finishes his breakfast, puts his stuff away and whines about having to wear his winter clothes.

Zachary brushes his teeth while Corbett hits him repeatedly.

The dog farts. I let the dog outside, because where there is smoke, there is fire my friends.

I get the kids ready to go. I put Zachary on the bus. The other parents look at me funny.

I remember that maybe I too, should get dressed. Good thing I wear pyjamas, it's cold outside. Looks like it's raw waffles for me.

I start the van in my pyjamas and slippers. I go get changed, brush my teeth, and hope for the best concerning my hair.

I remember that Corbett is standing in the entrance in his snow suit.

I let the dog in. I put Corbett in the van, and drive to Tim Horton's while whining about winter.

I drop him at daycare, then go to work, while whining about the weather. To myself.

And THAT....

is my morning routine.

Jessica