Thank goodness my underwear was clean.

All I wanted was a new pair of jeans.  Something that fit, was flattering and comfortable.  Not too much to ask, really.

Right?  Right.

I rarely, if ever get the opportunity shop without my boys, so as  usual, they tagged along with me.

 Now, first of all, let me make one thing clear.  I very much dislike shopping.  Especially for clothes.

VERY. MUCH.

But, it really is in the best interests of the general population if I wear clothes, so clothes shopping is like my civic duty.

You're welcome.

Anyway, I went to the first store, and selected two pair. One was a dark jean with a flared leg, the other a skinny jean.  Skinny jeans don't always work for me, because as a runner, I have well defined calves.  I was also blessed with gigantic strong thighs, so sometimes those trendy skinny jeans look plain funny.

I tried on the first pair, and they were just okay.  Putting them aside, I hade high hopes for the skinny jeans, and I was RIGHT.  They looked great, the price was great.  YAY!  One stop and I had found jeans.  That's like a frickin' miracle!

Then I tried to take the jeans off. And they stopped at my calves.  I tugged.  I pulled.  Nothing worked.

I sat on my butt on a dirty change room floor, and yanked some more.  Nothing.

I was so confused.  They felt great, they looked great, they went on easy.  SO WHY THE HELL WEREN'T THEY COMING OFF?

Clearly, I needed help. So, swallowing any pride that I had, I pulled on the jeans and walked out of the changeroom.

Saleslady: "Wow, those look GREAT!"

Me: "I'm stuck"

Saleslady: "Pardon?"

Me: "I can't get them off.  I can't get them past my calves. I don't understand, they went on so easily."

Saleslady: "Oh. Oh wow."

Me: "This is crazy, but I need help"

So, the saleslady and I went into the wheelchair accessible changeroom.  I yanked the jeans down to my knees, and sat on the bench, while she yanked really, really hard. We laughed, because really - WHAT THE HECK ELSE COULD WE DO?

Saleslady: "So, I guess you aren't taking these?"

Me: "No, I think I'll pass.  Um, thanks"

Your mother is right.  Always wear clean underwear.  But another important piece of information.

I am SO glad I wasn't wearing a thong.

UPDATED: I just had a crazy thought.  I really hope that she was a sales lady and not a customer. Otherwise the whole situation is a whole lot weirder than it already was.