That's Love.

I don't just hate snakes.  I'm terrified of them.  Absolutely terrified. If I see even a picture of a snake, I get all sweaty and my heart speeds up.

I don't know why,  its not as though I was ever attacked by a snake.  Or that a snake has wronged me in some way.

Its just that they are so.....wrong. They've got no legs, and they still move around the ground. Wrong.

Anyway, last year Jordan and I took the kids to see the travelling version of Little Ray's Reptile Zoo. For the record, it is a pretty cool set up.  They bring these cool reptiles and animals, and the teach the kids about them. The kids get to pet them.  Fun, fun.

Last year, they even had a masturbating lemur.  Let me tell you, THAT was awkward.

But they also have snakes. Stupid, dumb snakes.

And of course, the kids wanted to go again. Hooray.

Last year I was able to hide behind my husband when they brought the stupid Boa Constrictor out. There are many reasons why its handy to have a 6'4" husband, and one of those is the ability to completely hide behind him.  Because we all know, if I can't see the snake, it can't see me.  Right? Right?

Well hubby was working this time. So it was all me....

So off we go to the event, which is in a hotel.  A HOTEL. Thats charming. Let me tell you now, if I was every in a hotel and found out a travelling snake exhibit was sharing lodgings with me......I would be demanding protection.

It costs $10 a ticket, which frankly I find pricey for a kids ticket, but whatever.  The kids want to see reptiles and I want the Mom of the Year award.

So in we go, and we get to see turtles and a great big alligator and snakes.  But get this, the kids refuse to pet the snakes.  Or any animal for that matter. 

Well I will be damned if I'm paying $30 for tickets to see a reptile petting zoo and no one's touching the snake. Hell, I didnt even get to see a masturbating lemur this year! Now it was enough that I managed to summon up enough bravery to go to the damn thing with out my "husband suit of armour", so I sure as hell wasn't touching the snake.

So I bribed the children.  Yep, bribery.  Mother of the Year, here I come.

There were these stuffed snakes that the kids wanted, and I told them they were too expensive. But not too expensive for bribery!! 

"Okay kids, if you go pet the snake, Mommy will buy you each a stuffed snake!"

Zoom, off they go!  I got pictures of the kids petting the snakes. The kids got their stuffed snakes.

I got to leave.

Win/Win, don't you think?

Reticulated Python.  Her name is Marshmallow.

Caiman

 Corbett and Zachary being eaten by a dinosaur